First and foremost, I am a Kings fan. I was born in a city without an NBA team, but raised in Sacramento, so I am left with the King as my choice. However, there have been many rule-benders during my time as a Kings fan. First of all, as an ex-employee, I believe I am allowed to have separate frustrations with the team for knowing information that a normal fan does not, and for working for pennies. In addition, I have used the word "we" when talking about the Kings, but technically, I was doing something to make that team run (I only used "we" while working there). Note: I find using the word "we" when talking about your team completely unacceptable in any other format. After ending my tenure as an employee, I took a much needed rest from watching the Kings, I also believe this to be Kosher; anyone would need a break after like 400 games. In the '09-'10 and early '10 seasons I admittedly did root for them to lose, but that is very much allowed when the team is tanking a season and there is a possibility for a high draft pick. Now that the owners, the Maloofs, have completely besmirched me and the city of Sacramento, I believe it is officially okay for me to not root for the Kings, unless they are tanking (Following this rule: "The owner of your favorite team treated his fans so egregiously over the years that you couldn't take it anymore -- you would rather not follow them at all then support a franchise with this owner in charge."). So that takes one team off the market for the regular season...
Moving on to the present, the Playoffs. Who am I allowed to root for? My heart is telling me the Bulls and I believe I can back that up by using a tweaked version of the Sports Guy's model. Under the "Loyalties" section of the rules, the Sports Guy states, "[If] You follow your favorite college star (and this has to be a once-in-a-generation favorite college star) to the pros and root for his team du jour ... like if you were a UNC fan for the past 20 years, and you rooted for the Bulls (because of MJ) and then the Raptors (because of Vince). Only works if there isn't a pro team in your area." Since we have basically established that there is really no longer a pro team in my area, I believe I can use this rule. I happened to live in Virginia when Allen Iverson played high school at Bethel and college at Georgetown so naturally I became his biggest fan. Under the circumstances that I established my sports relationship with Iverson while he was in high school, rather than following a Georgetown player, I have decided to follow the current NBA player who plays the most like Allen: Derrick Rose. Subsequently, I am now a Bulls fan, which is not easy, because my instinct to hate any team Joakim Noah plays for is so high. Nevertheless, the Bulls it is for the 2011 Playoffs.
Since most of my basketball friends and jumping on the Miami bandwagon (which is completely forebode), I will make a promise now to strictly follow these rules when the Bulls end up playing them in the Eastern Conference Finals:
- If your team defeats a good friend's team in a crucial game or series, don't rub it in with them unless they've been especially annoying/gloating/condescending/confrontational in the days leading up to the big battle. You're probably better off cutting off all communications in the days preceding/following the game, just to be safe.
- Along those same lines, if your team squanders a crucial game/series to your buddy's team, don't make them feel guilty about it -- don't call them to bitch about the game, don't blame some conspiracy or bad referee's call, don't rant and rave like a lunatic. In the words of Vito Corleone, you can act like a man. You have plenty of time to bitch in private.
- If your buddy's team loses an especially tough game, don't call him -- wait for him to call you. And when you do speak to him, discuss the game in a tone normally reserved for sudden, unexpected deaths.
In the off chance that the Bulls do not go to the NBA Finals, I reserve the right to root for any team that is playing the Lakers. That is built into my Kings Fan Clause. I can also root for a team that I previously rooted against under the temporary fan rule.
Now, I would like you all to take a look at the man in the mirror; is he a bandwagon fan? Is he wearing a jersey with his name on the back of it? Is he rooting for Dallas just because Jason Kidd is old and not sucking? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please find your inner-fan and choose a team that you have a right to root for. Or at least, by using these trusted rules, try and make a case, like I have here, for rooting for the team.
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